Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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