You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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