I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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