he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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