I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
