You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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