He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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