I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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