you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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