i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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