This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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