I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
