and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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God, you're like boner-b-gone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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