i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
