hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
