Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
