Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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