No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
