ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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