and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
