i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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