I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
