I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am available for nakedness
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
