i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
