She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
