Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
