so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
