If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
