is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Every concussion has its silver lining
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
