i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You can't motorboat a personality
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
