grandma shit on top of the toilet
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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