you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize