I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
