the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
