But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
