Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I need a beard to bite.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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