is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
