you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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