while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
