You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
