he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
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This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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