Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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