In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
