Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
