I wish my penis had an off switch
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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