I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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