Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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