First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
