So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
