i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
