There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize