if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize