weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Holy shit dude........stairs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
