Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
As shirtless as possible
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
