I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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