I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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