i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
