Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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