then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
