...so i touched it.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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