She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize