So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
this boner is exhausting
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's always time for handjobs
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
